It keeps happening where I want to go to an event but no one is available or wants to go with me, and transit would be more of a pain compared to just staying at home and vegging out. The psychology of imagining myself doing a thing in order to motivate me does not work on me because I get progressively more discouraged by how much energy it will drain from me and how much time it will waste waiting for the connecting bus, especially when the event is all the way in the city. My world feels so small because I've grown too dependent on other people when that's the farthest thing I want out of life, and the people I depend on are all either busy or too disabled to drive and accompany me. I don't want to learn how to drive, own a car, or buy car insurance and the like, but even here in a place with decent transit it still will take me about 1 1/2 hours to go anywhere and another to go back. Suyo still finds it hard to stop what she's doing to pick me up from somewhere, or more often than not Siv takes the car to work so we're stranded at home all day, so that factors into the equation of whether it's worth it if I end up missing the bus. I'm hoping that my wanting to go to the event this weekend (plus my need for novelty being so starved these days) has won out my laziness and I plan to take the bus even on the weekend when the buses are infrequent out here. I just have to be very precise in my planning to shorten my waiting in the rain for the next bus. I also refuse to give any of my shopping money to Lyft or Uber, so this will be the consequence of me not choosing convenience.
Being away from family even for a little while is hard on me during the holidays. I may be struggling with my mother's sudden, erm... spiritual awakening (it's a whole thing), but that hasn't changed her wanting to celebrate and do all the regular rituals we've always done. My nephew has been sick with strep throat lately and got his antibiotics the other day, so I've told her I plan to come over when he's feeling better so we can bake cookies together. I'm really looking forward to it, especially since she lights up when I offer to play cribbage with her since she rarely gets anyone else to play with her. We both really get a kick out of putting on old ragtime saloon music while we play too.
I have some lesbian Hallmark-esque Christmas movies that I want to watch because, shockingly, I found even more that I haven't seen yet. I think the ones I've seen so far have been pretty ridiculous and cringe-worthy, but I think
Looking For Her and
Christmas on the Ranch were pretty cute. I still haven't seen
Happiest Season yet which may have been the catalyst for the direct-to-streaming lesbian Hallmark-esque Christmas movie boom, at least on places like Tubi and Freevee.
Side note, something that bothers me about sapphic media...
( On queer media and smaller gender boxes. )